A dwarf walked into a bar...

A dwarf walked into a bar crying. One of the men in the bar asked him what happened.

"I did a terrible thing," he sniffed, "Just a few hours ago I sold my Wife to someone for a barrel of beer."

"That's awful," said the man, "And now that she is gone you want her back Right?"

"Right!" said the dwarf, still crying.

"You're sorry you sold her because you realized, too late, that you still loved her?"

"Oh, No, who the hell wants to love her," said the drunk. "I want her back because I'm thirsty again!"

<slaps knee and chokes on his ale>

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.

The first dwarf, however, is unable to get a stiffy. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...UUUUH!" all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"

The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I just couldn't get a hard on."

The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?!!" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed!!!"

Good fun one-liners to be found here:

http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art57018.asp

and here:

http://www.homebrewtalk.com/f19/beer-sayings-one-liners-1878/